My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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