Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
