woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
