This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
