your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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