Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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