the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
