no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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