so explain again why im purple
no
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
All the doctor said was why
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
