i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
