On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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