We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
