Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
