Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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