Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
whose parrot is this?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
