You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
