Im at strip club and am horny
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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