apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
