so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
