...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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