my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
