my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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