you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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