dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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