Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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