Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
