I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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