I got her a Nickelback box set.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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