he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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