at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
