hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
