What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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