you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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