I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
