She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
