you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
