you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
