I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
