Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
