You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
