Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
what day is it and did you see me today?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
