She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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