Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
