Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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