"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
