Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
