dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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