Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
