found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
