Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
