that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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