This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
